Big tabloid this morning, Angelina is filing for divorce (Source @hellogiggles). What I read in the social media news shocked me: if they can’t make it, what is the hope for the rest of us?
We dream so much about having our own perfect marriage and live happily ever after. But because that really doesn’t exist, we fantasize about other’s perfect marriage.
We put social pressure on celebrities to keep it together and perfect so we can feel better about ourselves.
We want to believe in fairy tales so much, we hold strangers accountable to prove to the world that there is the perfect relationship. A relationship that has everything: looks, money, fame, beautiful kids, kindness, etc. As if a perfect relationship ONLY happens if all these things happen at the same time!
So really, what is the hope for the rest of us? Do we really feel we are not worth of the perfect relationship unless we have all the above? All this fairy tail crap that is embedded in our brains from birth has created a concept of happiness that is very distorted and debilitating in our capacity to achieve a fulfilled happy life.
So if I’m not good looking, I’m short, average income or even poor, not famous at all and my partner is as average or less than average than me, we are not worth of happily ever after?
What is happily ever after anyway? We are taught to believe that happiness comes when we find the perfect partner, have the perfect body, lots of money, big house, beautiful well behaved children and of course remain young forever.
This is an illusion and I am proof of it. When I started to make plans for my life as a young girl and started to think what I wanted to be when I grew up, I envisioned I was going to be happy when I found my perfect husband, got a great job, lost weight and had two beautiful children. Of course that never happened.
I spent 20 years of my life in the pursuit of my happiness to achieve this and ended up marring and divorcing three times, starving my body on and off and pretending my engineering job was my passion so I could feel significant with a “smart career”.
One day I asked the right question: “Does it really matter who I am with, what I do or what I have, as long as I love the way I feel about my life?”
That moment my life changed and started to let go of the one obstacle that was stopping me from feeling happy, fulfilled and accomplished about who I am: My own obsession to fit the mold that society expects from women in order to feel worth of love, acceptance and admiration.
I decided to create my own happiness and as long as I was happy, I didn’t care what people thought about me. I embraced my over 40 single life with no kids, I quit my day job as an engineer and lost the fear of jumping full time to my Boudoir photography business and embraced my true talent and passion, capturing the true beauty of real women in sensual photography. Then it got better when I realized that by doing this, I was changing women’s lives! I was helping them feel beautiful and empowered and let go of the societies expectations of looking in certain way in order to deserve the title of “beautiful”.
We are so blessed not to be in the public eye like Angelina, Brad and Jennifer. Their lives get scrutinized every minute of the day and God forbid they start to look old, gain weight, struggle with fertility or any addiction, or face what so many of us face without so much attention from the world, divorce.
Why are they treated so unfairly? They are as human and imperfect as the rest of us. Everything that we say about them in the media is only a reflection of our our fears and disappointment of our lives. Think about it, if we think Angelina and Brad are the dream couple it is because we wish to be the dream couple and the envy of everyone. It becomes more important to us what people think about us and our “perfect marriage” that we will stay there to keep appearances because it makes us feel significant. If we get a divorce, we feel like a failure.
Does anyone get divorce because is super happy? or course not! we get divorced because we are not happy and we want something better for ourselves. So instead of society telling us we are strong and courageous for making a difficult decision to change our lives for the best, it is telling us we are a failure and not good enough.
It is time to stand up for ourselves and pursue our true happiness and in the journey be an inspiration to our children, people we love and strangers that cross our path. We have to let go of the opinions of others, the only person we need to impress is us.
I believe Angelina and Brad had a beautiful life together. I don’t follow public figures that much but I am sure they are beautiful human beings with the normal struggles marriages have. The only difference is that they are public figures and they will have a hard time dealing with the attention of their personal affairs. I send them all my love and support, I believe they are loving parents and will figure out a way deal with this part of their lives in the best way possible.
I know one day all this will pass, as it passed for me after my divorces. They will learn from this, will continue with their lives, loving their kids and doing great humanitarian activities. They do not owe us staying married for the sake of having a Hollywood’s most envied couple.
The same way, we common people, do not owe it to anybody to stay in a relationship that doesn’t makes us happy just for the sake of people’s opinion and judgment. I can tell you, making the decision to get divorced is not easy, I did it three times and every time it was hard because it made me feel like a failure. But it was the best decision every time. Thanks to my relationships, I have become the woman I am today and wouldn’t change a day. I am sure many feel the same and one day we will see a new Angelina and a new Brad and we will still love them dearly.
I really want to use this as an opportunity to help women who are recently divorced to regain their strength and self-worth by offering a complimentary boudoir session. I have walked that path so I understand how you feel. If you or someone you know think would benefit from a boudoir session, don’t hesitate, CLICK HERE to reach out to me and get ready for the most uplifting experiences of your life!
I leave you with a quote from my favorite [email protected] #DaringGreately