A couple weeks from now, one of my favorite holidays will be here: Halloween! In addition to my love for lingerie, for the past several years I’ve been known to go absolutely bananas over creating my own kickass Halloween costumes. I even won $100 to RA Sushi last year at their Boo Bash costume contest!
Anyway, the other day I began wondering whether the topic of sexy Halloween costumes was one to address on the blog. The answer was hurtled at me in the form of this Cosmopolitan article on “Slutty Halloween” and what men think of it.
First of all, I have to say that I’ve been a loyal Cosmo reader since something like 2001 — not because I agree with everything in it, but because it creates a culture for women to feel free to get in touch with her Erotic Creature without feeling judged or alienated. A lot of people I know, men and women alike, have given me flak for shamelessly reading the publication, but I simply don’t care. (After all, what kind of person becomes the blogger for a boudoir studio?!)
I do, however, have issue with the term “Slutty Halloween.” No doubt, the article is meant for laughs, but terminology like “slut,” “whore,” etc. just perpetuates a culture in which women are looked down upon as objects.
In the How to Reignite Your Feminine Spark series, I tried to illustrate to everyone how embracing your Erotic Creature, your sacred feminine — the birthright we all were given, the gift of life! — is far from objectifying, but rather, empowering. It is exactly what gives you your feminine power rather than diminishes it, and by squashing it down, you are doing no one any favors. By thinking your sexuality defines you though, and is your only source of power, feeling like it controls you rather than the other way around, that is what makes you an object and not a powerful woman.
In the other vein, I know a lot of feminists (often that name carries a bad rap, though it shouldn’t) try to defend women’s sexual behavior as something that should be equal to men’s. That we should be just as entitled to as many sexual partners as we’d like, because no one criticizes men for it, and after all, we’d like equal rights.
I find this troublesome, too — because liberation doesn’t necessarily mean wild and unlimited overdoing of something that would otherwise be fine, even wonderful. Sure, we should have the right to do whatever we want sexually, but does it mean we need to run around sharing every last inch of our bodies to just anyone?
Also . . . who says that the Sexy Black Cat or Sexy Angel at the neighborhood Halloween party is sleeping around? As someone who has kept the intimate details of her love life extremely private for pretty much her entire life, yet has no problem wearing booty shorts in public or bearing cleavage (what little of it I have, anyway) — getting pulled into the dean’s office regularly in high school, a la Kiana — this assumption is just plain offensive.
I’ve also had males tell me that when a woman dresses in a certain (read: revealing) way, she is offering an open invitation. Uh . . . CREEPY, not to mention so off the mark. (Rape mentality, much? Remember what Sheila Kelley said about the UCLA student survey?*) What I wear doesn’t have much to do with what men think, but rather what I’m proud of. It’s the only day of the year where I can wear absolutely whatever I want, and not only do I like to express my creativity, but I don’t feel I need to apologize for a costume that flatters my body and shows it off a little.
To me, having respect for my body does not necessarily mean that I have to walk around wearing turtlenecks and sweatpants (there’s an image). So much fun about being a woman is adorning your body with things that excite you! I keep my romantic life between my beau and me, and I believe should be able to celebrate my love for my feminine body by wearing whatever the heck costume I want without being slut-shamed, thankyouverymuch.
What are your thoughts? Are you on board with the term Slutty Halloween? And what’s your costume this year? Leave a comment below!
*In Sheila Kelley’s TED talk Let’s Get Naked, she shares, “In a UCLA study of normal college students, over 50% of the young men said they would rape a woman if they knew there was no punishment. For the majority of men the most arousing fantasy was the rape of a young woman where she experienced both orgasm and pain.”
More on How to Reignite your Feminine Spark:
See also Diary of a Boudoir Diva